Dependence and Independence

Dependence and independence are a very integral part of our lives. Dependence has various categories: emotional and financial or material needs. About the material needs, we cannot really do anything but our emotions are something that we can control. We must have the consciousness of what is making us emotionally vulnerable and what we should do to get over it. Initially, we will have a problem, but once we understand the root cause and how the person we are depending on emotionally is supporting us, we can easily stop being dependent and move to independence. Independence is thus just a step away.

I know how to train my mind into practicing this – I have done this before and I can still do this. The transition is painful but it is possible. It also tells me how much I can control my emotions. However, this does not mean that while I am in the emotion, I do not feel it with intensity. Because there is an intensity of dependence, there is also an intensity of independence. Both have to be felt consciously to understand both in entirety. Vulnerability is the path to strength – testing how much water one is in is always good.

There is another theory that goes into this – shell shock theory – think so much about the person who has hurt you or on whom you are dependent that after a point you are just tired and the regularity of life catches up with you. It was used on war victims after the World War by psychiatrists to treat them out of war memories.

A Perfect Groom

My mom is looking at matrimonial columns again in search of a perfect groom for her beloved daughter! I have been blessed with great height and that is certainly an impediment in my being eligible for most of the available grooms. I must do something about it! But the big is question is: What can I do? I don’t know. My hands are tied.

My mom spent a lot of time getting ready for the epic task: she collected all the newspapers, sat down on the bed carefully; then she wore her specks which rested slightly on her small nose and hid her face in the newspaper trying to read the miniscule letters and make sense of the abbreviated language, only craning her neck out of the newspaper once in a while to ask me the full form of this and that. However great her efforts were, she could not find a single guy to match my height but the fact is she won’t stop trying! Let her! It makes her happy. But she believes that somebody will glide in my life and woo me in the month of November. I dont know who or how!

I am waiting!

Convert Restlessness into Intensity

WHETHER we lead or we follow, in order to be fulfilled in whatever we do, we need to be intense. Intensity is not an emotion. When you are intense, one part of it may be emotional. Intensity should become a quality in you. If you are talking let intensity be there. In your relationships, in your decisions , in your memory, in your thinking , in your desires, even in your fears, be intense without escaping from this moment.

Intensity does not depend on the nature of the work or action . It can be as complex as running a billion dollar company or as simple as cleaning the floor. It is not the what but the how that is important . Intensity means radiating the energy that does not create any conflict inside and outside. Intensity is intensely being inside you. Intensity flows smoothly and yet strongly. We always believe that if anything flows smoothly like a river, it will not have intensity , and if something is intense like a stone it will not be flowing freely. No. Intensity is like a flood, which is intense and flowing.

Some people intensely create conflict every moment! Anything you tell them to do, they will be ready to create a conflict. Real intensity does not create conflicts. It is flowing but intense.

Usually we feel a terrible restlessness towards the outer world. We do not know what is happening . We do not know what should be done, but there is a deep dissatisfaction about what is there in the inner space; this restlessness should become intensity.

The father of Yoga, Patanjali, says: Success is nearest to those whose efforts are sincere and intense . A river does not need a navigator or signboards to reach the ocean. It reaches its destination without any help. When your whole energy moves in one direction as a whole you can move easily. When you are intense and ready to flow you will achieve your goal.
Usually intensity leads to a solid feeling . We may be intense but we may have lost the ability to flow, because we are driven by ego. We are determined to achieve what we want but we have our own rigid ideas about how to get there. We fail to understand that Existence can make events happen in a much more beautiful and effective way than we can plan.
Take up something and follow it with full intensity. Intensity does not mean acting rigidly without scope for updating or change. Only when you are open to change you can make your way like the river flowing intensely towards the ocean. Intensity is integration . Intensity is focus. Intensity is sincerity. Be Blissful!

This article has been taken from The Economic Times, 22nd October, Page 8, Cosmic Uplink

http://lite.epaper.timesofindia.com/getpage.aspx?pageid=8&pagesize=&edid=&edlabel=ETKM&mydateHid=22-10-2009&pubname=&edname=&publabel=ET

My students!

I have never enjoyed anything so much. As a teacher, I have figured out my role in the universe. My role is to give. As a teacher, I get to observe people and see what they are, their culture, their thoughts, their upbringing, their parents (ooofff), etc. The way people think is a very important thesis, at least to me as a writer. Every student speaks a different story. My first students were the people who stood by me and tolerated my stupidities. Some of the most remarkable students I have had are:

Debashish: he has been a very sweet student. I don’t know how to speak proper Bengali so he would repeat the same word: I would say ‘Boojle?’ he would repeat in the same tone: ‘Boojle.’ He was very sweet. He did not get very good marks in his GRE in English so he felt very scared of giving me a call. I wanted to call him and ask him but I didn’t want him to feel bad. What I did was not right! Do I still have a chance? I don’t know. Probably he is at least 1500 miles away. I was unsuccessful in fathoming the two mysteries – Priyatora and Sourodeep – but I know something – they loved each other very much!

When I joined, I also met Nayan Ghosh, the son of Amitav Ghosh – The Amitav Ghosh – and I understood how hard it is for children whose parents are very famous. J they have a lot of pressure on them to be successful.

Koyel is an example of a spoilt brat. Her parents treat her like a princess and she takes them for a ride. She is definitely intelligent but, but, but, she does not work hard enough. Hard work should complement intelligence for anything to happen!

Sushmita was a brilliant human being with my kind of understanding and insight. She will definitely go very far in life! She is a rare human being. I prayed to God for her.

Some of the more recent ones have been Anirban Pal gave me my first Teacher’s Day card which said ‘your strict nature has helped me through the journey’ which was very sweet. He is a very sweet guy who has been pampered by his parents and hence he takes them for a ride. Shubham who appreciates me for what I am as a person. He has even given me a compliment where he said that I am a profound thinker. He touched my feet and took my blessings; it was very touching and I blessed him. I think as soon as one goes and sits on that side of the table the attitude changes because one starts giving rather than receiving – the whole idea changes you as a person – you start giving a part of what you are to everybody you touch!  He also gave me a Teacher’s Day card. He will go very far in life. I prayed for him. A good boy!

Nishant – a lawyer by profession – has been a very naughty but an endearing student. He is the son of a farmer in Bihar. He talks so much that I sometimes ask him to fill his mouth with water and sit in the class. He laughs a lot. He has definitely defeated me not by the power of his arguments but in the way he speaks – quite an achievement.

Anirban Ghose is a very sweet guy – shy and reserved, but lacks in confidence. He has to be pushed. Awadh, a new student, is very cute, like a baby brother. He is intelligent but always has a look of wonder on his face. Abhishek (he is not my student!) deserves special mention because of the kind of face he has – his face muscles are very emotive which is quite unique in men. I have not seen a man who can emote so much! Another thing unique about him is that he laughs too much – people only laugh when they are very happy with their lives (like me) or when they have some tears to hide. I have not been able to fathom his case! Still working on it! Abhinav sits wooden faced in the class. I don’t understand if he has understood anything at all!

Saikat Basu – just completed his MSc in Microbiology

Neelam Mukherjee – MSc in Neurobiology or something of the same kind

Tiasha – MSc in something related to biology

Sourodeep & Priyatora – Btech 4^th year

Koyel Choudhuri & Awadh Poddar – in class 12 now

Anirban Pal – Btech in BITS Pilani, 4^th year

Sushmita Ghosh – MSc in Microbiology

Shubham Dutta – MSc in Microbiology

Supratim Banik – B.Arch + MSc in City Planning from IIT Kharagpur – an architect with about 6 years of work experience – at least six years senior to me

Abhinav Gupta – Btech 3^rd year in Jadavpur University

Anirban Ghosh – Btech 4^th year

Nishant Choudhury – Lawyer in Patna High Court, passed out from Symbiosis Law School, Pune and has about 3 years of work experience

After this short introduction of all my students till date, I feel that it is an indicator of how much I love interacting with people and knowing what they think. That I teach students who are older than me surprised Masi, aka Bigs! She said, “do u teach spoken English?” I looked at her with a baffled face and said, “Masi I teach English!” She was like WTF!

The worst part about being a teacher is when students go away. It is like you are where you are, but, people have come and gone on with their journey. You were a brief stop and then you were forgotten. The relationship that you took so much of pain to create has gone! Vanished! The space becomes empty for somebody else to fill in! And so it happens! People come and people go! What stands where it is is ME! But what I give them is a part of ME, but my stocks don’t go down, I am in fact filled with same kind of love and joy again! Life is FUNNY! Amusing!

A teacher’s job does not pay much monetarily but it is surely a very good one to pamper your emotions. It establishes the way of life even more – people come and people go but you grow with them and not go with them!

In Memoriam

Like Tennyson, I cannot write a big poem on somebody I have lost but I can surely write a blog post on them. Today’s topic is my grandma. I miss her warm lap where I would rest my head and sleep peacefully while she would pat it softly. She would tell me stories which I will surely tell me children, if they have the time for it! I would build temples on her wrinkled hand and touch her soft skin to feel her warmth. After she died, just before they were going to take her body to the burning ghats, I sat down beside her, touched her cheeks softly, dropped a tear on her cheek and asked her, ‘are you there?’ I knew she was not there, but she was still there, for me!
Still essentially, as a person, she failed me. She was the first person to teach me that all is not what you see. There is more! Since then before I give anybody, be it a man or woman, friend or colleague, whosoever, I make them go through a test where I test how much they want to be with me, with me as a person. It is a test which everybody has to go through. They have to prove their mettle as people by taking rough words and harsh criticism. Very few people have actually stood this test!